I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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