omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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