think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
