Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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