i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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