i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
