I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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