to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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