Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
