At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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