I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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