hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
