it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
