Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
