I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am naked and annoyed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
