just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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