I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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