i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
