Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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