after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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