my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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