ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
