Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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