I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize