I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
