he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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