I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
