Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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