College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
