i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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