Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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