yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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