Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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