Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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