I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
