She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
