bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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