The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
