We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
