I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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