she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
