I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
