11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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