Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
