I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
