you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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