I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
