A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
