im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
