I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
