Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
