ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
