Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
