I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
