Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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