he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
