Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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