remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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