Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
