I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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