Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
