sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
