It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think your dad took our porno
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
