Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
