Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
