At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize