i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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