Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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