Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
