Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
